WHAT’S IT ABOUT
Summer 2024. Paris is hosting the World Triathlon Championships on the Seine for the first time. Sophia, a brilliant scientist, learns from Mika, a young environmental activist, that a large shark is swimming deep in the river. To avoid a bloodbath at the heart of the city, they have no choice but to join forces with Adil, the Seine River police commander.
MOVIESinMO REVIEW
There has been an overabundance of shark-related films in the last few years. And like any movie, there are some good ones, some bad ones, and the ones you don’t let anyone know you actually watched. Under Paris is that last one. It’s a shark thriller based in Paris, and while the cast speaks French, I watched it dubbed in English (Thank you, Netflix). I don’t even have the words to appropriately explain how bad this movie is. The opening of Under Paris is so stupid, it’s not funny, just sad. Pro divers are looking for a shark they tagged. I don’t know when, but when they locate her amongst other sharks, she’s bigger than she should be. So far, everything about what’s happening is below stupid. And as common sense goes, the sharks attack all four divers, including the husband of Sophia, one of the experts still on the boat. Now, It’s time to lower the level of ignorance. The water is bloody from the four dead divers, but shark specialist Sophia decides to jump in the water without a tank to save who? We only see her husband’s arm and hand attached, wearing his wedding ring. Of course, she gets away after a near-deaf incident with the same sharks (they never swam away). As the film progresses, the bar of common sense reaches new lows. Other divers will make this mistake again and again in this idiotic, painfully moronic shark snack of a thriller. One such bunch of idiots is a group of activists. Their leader, Mika, had the audacity to jump in the shark-infested water and say, “They won’t hurt anyone!” Where the hell did that logic come from? Since when do sharks NOT attack people? But wait, there’s more. The bad guys, the officials in the River Brigade of the police force and a there-are-no-sharks-in-our-waters mayor who wants the big Paris triathlon to go on. Yep, that’s right, a hundred more people get to jump in the water for the sharks to eat. At this point, this film is so far past believable that you start cheering for the sharks. I wish I could say there was something redeemable about this movie, but I can’t. It’s NOT so bad it’s good. It’s just not good.
OUR RATING – A WELL-DESERVED 1